If I can use a quote to describe my life, it must be a quote from Dinesh Paliwal. He had written: “Every good business story has a conflict and triumph at the core and a turning point where a transformation takes place”. This is how my story begins.My name is Katie. My family used to have four members, that are my father, mother, older brother, and me. Since the death of my beloved older brother,
Andrei, our family has five members in total. However, this is a truth that outsiders rarely could realize. After my brother passed away, Jane and Janet came from out of nowhere and became a part of our family. I mean they are nice and annoy at the same time. Thus we look quite the same, we share nothing in common about our cognitive. I am always calm because I barely feel any emotions inside me. Jane has quite the same personality as Andrei, rebellious and brave. Janet is at the opposite pole of Jane. She easily cries and wants to get people’s attention. Even though we live at the same house, I barely meet them. Three of us most of the time communicate with each other by writing and recording videos on the phone. My mother loves them, but my father doesn’t feel the same. Somehow, he assumes that I brought them to our house. This is how he is always angry whenever he sees me. On the other hand, I guess, he hates me because I was contributed to the death of Andrei. I have written so many letters, in which I explain that I did not remember anything about Andrei’s death except my blurry memory about Andrei’s body covered with blood and collapsed right in front of me, but these letters all ended up being thrown to the trashcan. I couldn’t send these letters to my father because I wasn’t sure about what had happened on that day even though I was there with him. It is more like a nightmare.
I must admit, It’s really tiring to live with two strangers. Since the sudden existence of them pop up into my life, I found myself most of the time feeling exhausted, lack of appetite, and incapability to control my mood. They ignore my words and do whatever they want all the time. For instance, last week, someone woke me up in the middle of the night and I surprisingly found out that I was on the side of the road. It’s only me and my car. I took my time to remember what had occurred but my lastest memory was when I took a headache pill and tried to sleep because my head hurt so badly. The police asked me to give them my driver’s license and my car insurance but I did not bring any with me. They looked at me with doubtful eyes as if I was doing something illegal and trying to get away with someone’s car. I mean their thoughts were understandable. I told them it was my mother’s car but they didn’t believe me so they took me to the police station. They handed me a phone and asked me to call my guardian. At almost 3 A.M., my parents showed up and brought me home. I was so upset so that as I got back home, I went straight to my desk and wrote two pages letter, which is sent to Jane. After that, I decided not to sleep because It’s already 5 in the morning. I put on my uniform, lied on my bed, and waited for the school bus, which came within the next two hours. As I scrolling throw my phone, I found a weird video, which was sent at eleven. It was from Jane. She told me that she was going to join her friend’s party all night long. Well, I had no idea about what kind of party she talked about.
Janet is worst than Jane in some cases. She desires to receive intention from other people. Due to that, my friends at school treated me as if I got bipolar disorder. Diana is the only girl, who knows what is really going on with me. I thank God every day for letting her be in my life. One time, as I got to school, everyone looked at me with abnormal eyes. Later on, Diana exposed to me a story, which drove me to extreme embarrassment. I heard that Janet took over me the day before and she confessed to Eric her love. Unfortunately, Eric refused her and she was crying loudly in the middle of the schoolyard. She screamed to everyone and had no intention to stop until Eric loved her back. Diana paused for a second and showed me a video, which someone recorded that day. I watched the video as a third person and was shocked when I saw myself lying down on the floor, crying, and yelling. I wish I could be invisible.
Someday, I wish no one could see me. I’m afraid of greeting with Jane’s and Janet’s friends on the street, whom I couldn’t be related to. I fear that with one blink, I could be in a strange place doing weird things. I’m scared of hearing people’s assumptions about me. I disliked myself for being visible. My mother takes me to the psychologist every week, but someday, I just can not hold onto my positive thoughts. My psychologist was nice and she seems to have a better understanding of all the things I had undergone. During our meeting, she listens to my weekly stories and also helps me to find out my missing memories about the death of my brother. She reassures me every week that it is totally fine to be in a misjudgment. I follow her advice to stick with my positive thinking and do meditation whenever I have any abnormal feelings inside my head. Doctor Maurice said that in order to send my two friends away, it’s going to take so much time and effort. Instead, I would better avoid stressing myself and get used to the existence of them. Once I’m mentally strong enough, I could collect all of my memory pieces and they definitely will leave me.
Transformation comes from an active mindset but for me, it acts as a passive one. Due to these unexpected events, switching takes over me and all I can do is suffering from these unexpected events. Dinesh Paliwal was right by saying that transformation is the turning point for all the blissful and sorrowful to happen. Transformation is the way my life’s function.
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